I was sitting with my friend having a few beers when he turned to me and said, "Last Sunday I was dragged to church by my wife and what happened there was shameful"
My friend's wife is a very staunch member of her church and she hardly misses going to church on Sunday. She has been a very wonderful wife.
"What happened?" I asked.
"My wife has been coercing me to go with her to church for a long time but I always hesitate because I was brought up in a traditional church and I feel so uncomfortable going to these new Pentecostal churches. I have been giving her excuses every time she asks me to go with her."
"Then last Sunday," he continued "I had no option but to go with her."
Before he could continue, his phone rang. He excused himself and walked away to a quieter place so that he can answer the call.
After a few minutes, he came back, sat down and changed the story. He started talking about something else. Those who drink beer know that this is a familiar phenomenon among boozers. We hardly finish our stories, especially when something interrupts us.
Topics randomly come and go like Taxis at a Taxi rank. The reason could be that most of the stories we talk about are mostly irrelevant and just meant to pass time. However, I was not going to let this one slip away because I wanted to listen to how it ended.
"So what happened at church. You haven't finished your church story." I reminded him.
"Everything went on perfectly well from the beginning until it was announced that all visitors must stand up. I stood up together with a few other visitors. We were welcomed to the church and encouraged to keep it up. Then the pastor said he had a vision for each of us."
'"The pastor looked at me and told me that he can see a lot of prosperity in me and that my business has the potential to grow. I was so excited and I was glad that I had accepted to come to church until he said 'but'."
"But what", I asked eagerly.
"You won't believe it." My friend continued, "The pastor told me that my problem was that I have a lot of small houses."
"What? How can that be a hindrance to the growth of your business? I didn't even know you have lots of houses." I laughed.
"Don't you get it?" he said. "That's not what it is. It is not houses like the ones that we live in but he meant something else."
"You're confusing me," I said.
"At first I was also confused because I do not own even a single house and I thought he was mistaking me for another person but what he actually meant was that I have a lot of girlfriends," my friend said.
"Wow." I gulped. "He told you that in front of your wife?"
"Not just my wife but the whole congregation. I almost shrunk to the ground because I did not know what to do or say. I know I have misbehaved at times but he should have called me aside to tell me that and not in front of everyone. I will never ever go back to that church again."
I could picture myself in my friend' situation and I know I couldn't have handled it any different. I too would not go back to that church because every time I walk inside the church, I would imagine people whispering "Mr Many Small Houses".
I am not sure about the pastor's accuracy but surely their could have been a better way to pass on the message. I know that some pastors revel in the accolades they receive when they say such things but that was too much of a kick in the shin.
Just a couple of months ago, a mini bus driver saw his wife outside one of the churches in Chifubu. He asked the passengers to excuse him for a few minutes because he wanted to talk to his wife.
The passengers agreed and he parked his bus by the roadside and got out. What happened next was totally unexpected.
He called the wife's name and when the wife turned around to see who was calling her, the husband started shouting at her in an angry voice.
"What did I tell you about coming to this church? Do you even have ears? You were lying to me that you have stopped coming to this church but here you are. This church is useless. Just wait till you come home because I am going to beat you up today so that you stop this nonsense. What is it that you find attractive with this church?"
As he said this, everyone outside the church just coiled in silence and watched helplessly. Then he went back into the bus and apologized to the shocked passengers.
One of the passengers asked, "What was that all about?"
The man explained that from the time his wife started going to that church, the pastor has been telling her a lot of lies about him.
"The pastor keeps telling my wife that I asleep around with other women. What I know is that I just go out to drink and don't even have a girlfriend. My wife has been accusing me that I have another woman because the pastor told her so. This has created a lot of tension in our home".
There really should be a better way for pastors to tell their members their visions and revelations.
Image courtesy of artur84/freedigitalphotos.net
My friend's wife is a very staunch member of her church and she hardly misses going to church on Sunday. She has been a very wonderful wife.
"What happened?" I asked.
"My wife has been coercing me to go with her to church for a long time but I always hesitate because I was brought up in a traditional church and I feel so uncomfortable going to these new Pentecostal churches. I have been giving her excuses every time she asks me to go with her."
"Then last Sunday," he continued "I had no option but to go with her."
Before he could continue, his phone rang. He excused himself and walked away to a quieter place so that he can answer the call.
After a few minutes, he came back, sat down and changed the story. He started talking about something else. Those who drink beer know that this is a familiar phenomenon among boozers. We hardly finish our stories, especially when something interrupts us.
Topics randomly come and go like Taxis at a Taxi rank. The reason could be that most of the stories we talk about are mostly irrelevant and just meant to pass time. However, I was not going to let this one slip away because I wanted to listen to how it ended.
"So what happened at church. You haven't finished your church story." I reminded him.
"Everything went on perfectly well from the beginning until it was announced that all visitors must stand up. I stood up together with a few other visitors. We were welcomed to the church and encouraged to keep it up. Then the pastor said he had a vision for each of us."
'"The pastor looked at me and told me that he can see a lot of prosperity in me and that my business has the potential to grow. I was so excited and I was glad that I had accepted to come to church until he said 'but'."
"But what", I asked eagerly.
"You won't believe it." My friend continued, "The pastor told me that my problem was that I have a lot of small houses."
"What? How can that be a hindrance to the growth of your business? I didn't even know you have lots of houses." I laughed.
"Don't you get it?" he said. "That's not what it is. It is not houses like the ones that we live in but he meant something else."
"You're confusing me," I said.
"At first I was also confused because I do not own even a single house and I thought he was mistaking me for another person but what he actually meant was that I have a lot of girlfriends," my friend said.
"Wow." I gulped. "He told you that in front of your wife?"
"Not just my wife but the whole congregation. I almost shrunk to the ground because I did not know what to do or say. I know I have misbehaved at times but he should have called me aside to tell me that and not in front of everyone. I will never ever go back to that church again."
I could picture myself in my friend' situation and I know I couldn't have handled it any different. I too would not go back to that church because every time I walk inside the church, I would imagine people whispering "Mr Many Small Houses".
I am not sure about the pastor's accuracy but surely their could have been a better way to pass on the message. I know that some pastors revel in the accolades they receive when they say such things but that was too much of a kick in the shin.
Just a couple of months ago, a mini bus driver saw his wife outside one of the churches in Chifubu. He asked the passengers to excuse him for a few minutes because he wanted to talk to his wife.
The passengers agreed and he parked his bus by the roadside and got out. What happened next was totally unexpected.
He called the wife's name and when the wife turned around to see who was calling her, the husband started shouting at her in an angry voice.
"What did I tell you about coming to this church? Do you even have ears? You were lying to me that you have stopped coming to this church but here you are. This church is useless. Just wait till you come home because I am going to beat you up today so that you stop this nonsense. What is it that you find attractive with this church?"
As he said this, everyone outside the church just coiled in silence and watched helplessly. Then he went back into the bus and apologized to the shocked passengers.
One of the passengers asked, "What was that all about?"
The man explained that from the time his wife started going to that church, the pastor has been telling her a lot of lies about him.
"The pastor keeps telling my wife that I asleep around with other women. What I know is that I just go out to drink and don't even have a girlfriend. My wife has been accusing me that I have another woman because the pastor told her so. This has created a lot of tension in our home".
There really should be a better way for pastors to tell their members their visions and revelations.
Image courtesy of artur84/freedigitalphotos.net
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